1) Reno Scum def. Decay and Garza Jr. and Laredo Kid
2) Braxton Sutter and Allie def. KM and Sienna
3) Rosemary def. Santana Garrett
4) Andrew Everett def. Marche Rockett, Suicide, and Gregory Shane Helms
5) Davey Richards def. DJZ
6) Team JB def. Team GOAT in the greatest victory in pro wrestling ever
Impact Wrestling Review
April 13, 2017
Orlando, FL (Impact Zone)
Commentary: Josh Mathews, Da Pope, Jeremy Borash
Results by: Gerald Bocook of Wrestleview.com
Show opens with highlights from last week.
Reno Scum vs. Decay vs. Garza Jr and Laredo Kid
Thornestowe and Laredo Kid start off. Shoulder tackle from Thornestowe off an Irish whip, and Thornestowe starts laying into Kid with punches. They brawl a bit before Kid tags in to Garza Jr.
Garza gets smacked around and Thornestowe tags in Luster.
Crazzy Steve tags in on Luster and he charges Garza who stops him. He blows a kiss to Rosemary on the outside and rips his pants off, throwing them to her. She flips out and Steve smashes him off the apron. Rosemary whips Steve into Garza with a cannonball. Steve rolls Garza in and locks in a neck lock before biting at Garza. Steve tags in Abyss.
Abyss hurls Garza into the corner and charges with a splash. Another splash in the far corner. Abyss tags in to Steve.
Steve pummels Garza with forearms and covers; one– kickout.
Steve picks Garza up, Garza with a chin breaker, ducks a lariat, hits the ropes and takes Steve down with a flying lariat of his own. Garza crawls over and tags in Laredo– No! Rosemary pulls Laredo Kid off the apron!
Luster in and he lariats down Steve before charging him in the corner. Luster gets Steve up on his shoulders, but Steve fights out, hits the ropes, Luster with a spinebuster! Abyss in and he goes after Luster, the two trading blows, Abyss hits the ropes but Luster with a Polish hammer! Luster with a headbutt knocks Abyss down! Luster charges Abyss in the corner, but Abyss catches him with a chokeslam! Laredo kid off the top with a flying dropkick takes Abyss out!
Thornestowe with a suicide dive takes out Abyss and Kid!
Steve charges Garza in the corner, bust Luster catches him with a knee, gets Steve up in the Razor’s Edge and throws him into Garza!! Luster grabs Steve in the surfboard and Thornestowe leapfrogs him and smashes Steve with a double stomp! Luster covers; one, two, three!
Winners by pinfall: Reno Scum (Surfboard Double Stomp)
Josh Mathews left the announce table and went to the back. During the match, he said that if his team loses, he’ll leave the booth. Please, oh please. Christmas is April.
Mckenzie Mitchell is in the back with Andrew Everett. He says he deserves a shot at the X-Division Championship. Gregory Shane Helms laughs at him and says he doesn’t deserve it yet. How about a fatal four-way? While Helms is trying to figure out who will be in the match, Everett suggests that Helms be the fourth man in the match. Helms says he isn’t afraid, that Everett isn’t ready for him. They bicker, but somehow decide that Helms will return to action in the fatal four-way.
— Commercial break —
Bruce Pritchard comes to the ring. Pritchard says that they asked who the audience felt is the #1 Contender to the Impact Wrestling World Championship between EC3, Matt Morgan, and James Storm. The announcement is that James Storm will face Lashley next week for the World Heavyweight Championship. EC3 storms down to the ring and gets in Pritchard’s face. EC3 tells Pritchard to read it again. Pritchard says he didn’t stutter; next week, Bobby Lashley will face James Storm. EC3 says he doesn’t know Pritchard and doesn’t trust him. He doesn’t like this new regime and says he feels things are rigged. Pritchard says that asking the audience was his idea. EC3 says he’s broken his back for this company and Pritchard is going to hold one loss to El Patron over his head? Pritchard says he’s going to give EC3 some advice; maybe go backstage, find a mirror, look into that mirror and ask himself what happened to EC3. Pritchard gets in EC3’s face and asks him what happened to the top man in Impact. He says EC3 tapped out to El Patron. Did he tap out of a match, or did he tap out on himself? EC3 looks sheepish and says thank you, and he’s going to take his advice. He’s going to find out what he needs to do to prove to Pritchard, the audience, and himself, what he’s truly capable of. Pritchard wishes him luck. The two shake hands.
We get another #MakeImpactGreat interview with Karen Jarrett, saying that her family is back in charge and that change is always good.
KM and Sienna are heading back to the ring. Allie and Braxton follow.
— Commercial break —
Josh Mathews came back to the announce table during the start of the match.
KM and Sienna vs. Braxton Sutter and Allie
Bell rings and KM and Braxton will start. The two meet and brawl, Braxton goes to whip KM but he reverses. Sutter in the corner, KM goes for a flying splash but Braxton moves out of the way and rolls KM up; one, two– kickout.
Irish whip, Braxton is tripped by Sienna! KM yells at Braxton, but Allie trips him up! Sienna in the ring to yell at Allie. KM lariats Braxton down from behind. KM with crosswings to a downed Braxton before cinching in a necklock. KM with a scoop slam, then steps on his neck off the ropes (really awkwardly, too). KM pulls Sutter up, Sutter breaks out a chops KM back, hits the ropes, ducks a lariat, cross body– caught by KM. KM hoists him up, Braxton lands on his feet, kicks KM in the gut and snap suplexes him into the corner! Sienna attacks Braxton from behind and charges him in the corner, but Braxton ducks.
Allie in and she hits forearms in to Sienna. Off the ropes, flying lariat takes Sienna down! Sienna in the corner, flying splash from Allie! Sienna stumbles out and Allie is on the middle rope, flying cross body– caught by Sienna! Sienna taunts Allie as she walks around, and she trips on KM’s legs! Allie pins; one, two, three!!
Winners by pinfall: Braxton Sutter and Allie
The video wall reads “Kongo Kong” and a big dude in face paint heads to the ring. He enters, and Braxton tries to fight him off. Kong picks Braxton up by the neck and throws him into corner before picking him up on his shoulders and takes him down with a Samoan drop facebuster. Kongo pulls Braxton into the corner and gives him a big cannonball splash. Sienna orders Kong to leave the ring. Laurel van Ness runs to the ring and Allie fights her off before Sienna attacks her from behind and lays Allie out with the AK-47. Laurel beats on Allie with her shoe. Sienna struggles to pull Laurel away and get her out of the ring. Laurel looks dazed, but like she might have some idea of what just happened.
— Commercial break —
Back in the Impact Zone, and Rosemary is heading out to the ring for action. Jeremy Borash and Josh Mathews argue over both of them being better at watching “You’ve Got Mail” after Impact is over. … You read that right. Why is this my life?
Rosemary vs. Santana Garrett
Rosemary knocks Garrett down into the corner and assaults her! Rosemary pulls Garrett up and whips her across the ring. Santana with a series of quick roll-ups, but Rosemary kicks out of each. Garrett kicks Rosemary and twists her arm, up the ropes, leaping arm drag! Rosemary in the corner, charges, Rosemary gets an elbow up and a figure four headlock over the ropes, holding as long as she can. Rosemary back in and she knocks Garrett down and starts landing forearms into her head. Garrett whipped to the corner, Rosemary charges, Garrett moves out of the way and a second-rope hurricanrana sends Rosemary flying. Rosemary out of the corner with a lariat and covers; one, two– kickout.
Rosemary whips Garrett in the corner and a flying forearm connects. Exploder suplex sends Santana Garrett flying. Flipover chinlock from Rosemary almost has Garrett submit, but she manages to drag herself all the way across the ring to break. Rosemary gets Garrett up for the Red Wedding but Garrett slides off. Rosemary grabs her in the ropes and chokes her. Rosemary breaks and charges, but Garrett lays her out with a forearm. And a second! Rosemary in the corner and a side Russian leg sweep and Garrett covers; one, two– kickout!
Garrett charges the corner and Rosemary out of the way! Rosemary with a dropkick sends Garrett into the corner and mounts a nearby corner for the coast-to-coast, but Santana catches her with a forearm. Santana Garrett with a handstand hurricanrana! Rosemary is down and Garrett with a handspring moonsault– Rosemary out of the way! Rosemary scoops Garrett up with the Red Wedding and connects! Rosemary covers; one, two, three!
Winner by pinfall: Rosemary (Red Wedding)
In the back, Angelina Love and Davey Richards are being all creepy. They’re asked if they feel remorse for last week. Love says absolutely not, they deserve every bit of suffering they hand out.
— Commercial break —
Back at the Impact Zone, Andrew Everett is heading to the ring. Marche Rockett is down next, complete with a unique set of bickering between the announcers. Please let this end tonight. Helms comes down with his normal attire, but with Trevor Lee’s knee pads on. He is accompanied by Trevor Lee.
Andrew Everett vs. Marche Rockett vs. Suicide vs. Shane Helms
Helms bails and Rockett attacks Everett as he chases. Suicide attacks Rockett and the two brawl with Rockett being sent down. Everett attacks Rockett and gets him against the ropes, takes to the far side ropes and Lee trips him up! The ref saw it and orders Lee to the back! Rockett assaults Everett and whips him across the ring. Flapjack, but Everett lands on his feet! Rockett charges, Everett drops the ropes and sends him outside! Suicide charges, Everett tosses him over, but Suicide lands on the apron and kicks Everett!
Suicide with a dropkick takes Everett down. Suicide gets rolled up by Helms; one, two– kickout.
Helms bails and Rockett lariats down both Everett and Suicide. Rockett chops Everett and starts headbutting him and stomping him around the ring. Suicide with a headbutt to Rockett, snapmare, kick to the chest! Suicide turns hi attention to Everett, throws him into Rockett and chops Rockett down, with Rockett DDTing Eerett! Rockett boots Suicide down! Everett with a flying wheel kick takes Rockett down and out of the match! Suicide Solution! Suicide covers; one, two– Helms grabs Suicide off and throws him out of the ring! Helms takes his jacket off and grabs Everett by the hair. Helms with a arm wringer, flatliner! Helms taunts, giving Everett enough time to get back up! He punches Helms down, Helms whips Everett to the ropes, Everett with a flying forearm! Helms rakes Everett’s eyes and goes to escape, but Suicide kicks him in the head! Everett kicks Helms away and he falls out of the ring. Rockett with a kick and a gourdbuster to Everett! Suicide in and Rockett with a gourdbuster, throwing Suicide on top of Everett! Rockett up on the corner, diving dropkick, but misses both Suicide and Everett!
Everett with a Pele kick to Suicide! Rockett down in the corner and Everett over the top, shooting star press! Cover; one, two, three!
Winner by pinfall: Andrew Everett (Shooting Star Press)
Everett stares down Helms. Lee out of nowhere takes Everett down and the two start beating Everett down. Helms says they’re going to end the game. He throws Everett to Lee, but Everett with a frankendriver! Helms bails out of the ring as Everett shouts down the knocked-out Trevor Lee.
Another #MakeImpactGreat segment with “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan.
— Commercial break —
Davey Richards is heading to the ring with his wife, Angelina Love. A fan accosts them and Richards just stares as the fan yells. DJZ is heading to the ring next.
Davey Richards vs. DJZ
Bell rings and they circle. Richards calls for a test of strength but kicks DJZ in the chest and gets him in the corner, kicking at DJZ repeatedly. Irish whip across the ring, big flying forearm splatters DJZ. He leaves the ring to celebrates and DJZ with a dropkick through the ropes takes Richards out! DJZ smashes Richards into the apron and rolls him in. DJZ with a crossbody and a cover; one, two– kickout!
Richards with a wicked clothesline out of the corner! He climbs up top, double stomp– DJZ rolls out of the way! DJZ blocks Richards with an elbow, punches him back, Matrix ducks another lariat and connects with a neckbreaker! Cover; one, two, th– kickout!
DJZ with the leapfrog elbow, and connects! DJZ goes for the ZDT but Richards throws him off, connecting with a kick to the chest on the way down! Richards rolls and grabs the ankle of DJZ, locking in an ankle lock! DJZ taps!
Winner by submission: Davey Richards (Ankle Lock)
Eddie Edwards charges the ring but is stopped by security! Richards goes to charge but he gets stopped, too! Alisha charges the ring and attacks Angelina Love in the ring! She’s just beating Love’s face in! Referees get the two separated. Everyone is being held back by security or officials!
— Commercial break —
The “Veterans of War/VOW” promo shows again.
We get a bit more arguing between the two announcers before the match begins. Team “GOAT” is out first. Lashley, Bram, Eli, and Tyrus are all wearing Josh Mathews’ “Announcer Goat” t-shirt. Eli Drake’s video wall has a big “ED” logo. Maybe change that? Team JB’s members start coming out next.
— Commercial break —
Magnus gets a special entrance.
Team GOAT (World Champion Lashley, Bram, Eli Drake, and Tyrus) vs. Team JB (Chris Adonis, Matt Morgan, Alberto El Patron, and Global Force Wrestling Champion Magnus)
Lashley and Adonis start. El Patron tags himself in. Lashley backs off and tags in Eli Drake. Patron exits and goes after Lashley, but the referee forces him back into the ring. Tie-up, Patron with a headlock, Drake shoves him off but gets a shoulder tackle down. Drake kicks out of a pin and shoves Patron into the corner, taunts, but gets punched back from the corner and enzuigiris Drake. Patron tags in Adonis.
Adonis chops Drake down and covers him; one, two– kickout.
More chops from Adonis, Irish whip, Drake reverses and elbows Adonis down. He tags in Lashley.
Lashley hammers Adonis down. Headlock from Lashley, Adonis shoves Lashley off but Lashley shoulder tackles him down. Lashley with a flyting elbow drop and Adonis reverses. Adonis looks for the full nelson, but Lashley reverses. Adonis with a back elbow and hits the ropes, Adonis shoulder tackles Lashley down! Suplex from Adonis! Lashley lands and tags in Bram.
Bram charges but Adonis with a Samoan drop! Cover; one– kickout!
Adonis tags in Magnus. Magnus hammers away at Bram, chops him in the corner, whips him across the ring. Bram elbows back, but Magnus lariats him down! Bram escapes, Magnus with a baseball slide! Magnus gets on the apron and Bram pulls his leg out from under him! Bram throws Magnus into the guard rail and then back into the ring. Bram punches Magnus down, tosses him into the GOAT corner and tags in Drake.
Drake stomps and shoulder blocks Magnus. Tyrus beats on Magnus before Drake stomps at him more. Magnus with a jawbreaker, Drake with a side Russian legsweep! Drake with a knee drop, but Magnus moves! Magnus in the corner, Eli misses an elbow and Magnus tags in Patron!
Patron with a backstabber on Drake! Lashley in and Patron fights him off, sending him retreating out of the ring! Patron lariats Drake down and celebrates as we go to commercial!
— Commercial break —
Back in the ring, Chris Adonis scoops Eli Drake up. Lashley pulls Drake off and Tyrus lariats Adonis down. Tyrus scoops Adonis. Elbow drop pin; one, two– kickout. Tyrus throws Adonis. Tyrus shoves Adonis into the corner and then charges with a big flying splash. Tyrus picks Adonis up and avalanche slams him after tagging in Lashley.
Lashley covers; one, two– kickout.
Adonis tries to make a pin but Lashley stops him and throws him down. Lashley with a neckbreaker. Lashley taunts Team JB and tags in Bram as the referee is distracted. Bram pummels Adonis in the corner, lariat, cover; one, two, t– kickout.
Rear chinlock from Bram, Adonis getting to his feet, fights out, jaw breaker, but Bram elbows him down. Cover; one, two– kickout.
Bram drags Adonis to the corner and tags in Drake. Drake tosses Adonis out of the ring as we see Lashley beating on him. Team JB is distracting the ref as Tyrus chokes Adonis. Drake with the Sky-Lord Slam, big elbow, cover; one, two– Magnus breaks the pin.
Adonis tries to fight to his feet, chops Drake down, but Drake cuts him off. Drake drags Adonis over and tags in Tyrus.
Adonis fights both men off, hits the ropes, but Tyrus with the charging headbutt wipes Adonis out! Tyrus drags Adonis to the corner, heads to the middle rope, big splash– Adonis rolls out of the way! Both men are crawling to the ring!
Matt Morgan lariats down Bram, then Drake, then Lashley! He punches Tyrus off the apron! Elbows Lashley out of the ring! Drake and Bram whip Morgan, but Morgan lariats them both down! Splash to Bram, Splash to Drake! Chokeslam to Bram! Cover; one, two– broken by Tyrus! Patron takes own Tyrus and kicks him in the head! Lashley spears Patron! Spinebuster from Adonis to Lashley! Eli Drake with the Air Raid Siren! Magnus release powerbombs Eli Drake! Magnus with a modified figure four, but Bram breaks it up! Bram throws Magnus out! Morgan grabs him for the chokeslam, but Bram gouges the eyes! Bram charges, but Morgan kicks Bram down with the Carbon Footprint! Magnus off the top with a flying elbow! Cover; one, two, three!!
Winners by pinfall: Team JB (Flying Elbow Drop)
Borash and the Impact Zone celebrate as Mathews sulks, trying to be stone-faced. Borash starts dancing, badly. He thanks Magnus, El Patron, Morgan, and Adonis, as the roster floods out of the back to help make sure that Mathews is shown out. The roster waves goodbye to Mathews.