Ask Mikey Chase

[MikeyChaseTheDream]

Ask Mikey Chase - February 7th, 2010

Dear Mikey,

I have an ex-boyfriend who I love dearly. He is a great guy and treats me very well. I just have one problem, he tends to watch a lot of porn on my computer when he comes over. I live with my parents so that's pretty awkward and on top of that he ended up getting a virus. My father brought it to a Staples to get it restored or whatever and they ended up telling him what they found on my computer which I am not sure if that's against protocol or not but still, it was embarrassing when my dad came home and told me about what happened. I have no idea what to do about my ex. at the time I felt like I should have broken up with him but now I'm not so sure it was the right thing to do. He was the greatest guy ever. He treated me better than anyone I've ever been with, I was just wondering, what do you think I should have done?

Thank you for your help,
Lisa

------------------------------

To Lisa,

I used to work for Staples, though, not in the Tech department, so, I can't really tell you if it's protocol or not to tell people about what they find on computers. To answer your question, what you should have done is maybe bring your computer to my brother and I, we run In-Site Computer Solutions, It's a wonderful company, and we don't judge you for what you look at on your computer, though we can't promise we won't make fun of you about it behind your back and maybe even share it with our friends. Your father would have never found out about your apparent porn addiction. Also, You may want to look into alternative forms of viewing porn. There are plenty of ways to do it without risking harm to your computer. Tell your ex-boyfriend to e-mail me for the specific sites. I'll hook him up and help him out. It's what I do.

Hope this helps,
Mikey

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mikey,

After 25 years, my parents are getting divorced, I never thought I'd be going through this at 20, and it definitely came as a surprise. My dad says he just doesn't feel the spark anymore and he's just unhappy. My mother claims they have nothing in common. I don't know what he expects to find out there in this cold world. It's hard for me to think about my parents not being together anymore. I love them both, but the way they've been talking to me it seems like they expect me to choose sides and that would be just too hard. My parents have always been so happy! I don't know where this came from. My father is being really immature with all of this, and my mother is really overplaying the victim role. How should I deal with this? I appreciate your input

With a heavy heart,
Erin

------------------------------

Erin,

I have a few words of advice for you, First, when writing a letter to people who don't know you, it may be smart to identify your gender clearly. The spelling of your name is the feminine way, but since your parents are struggling to keep their marriage, it is likely that they weren't fit to be in love let alone raise a child. The way they decided to spell your name might have been one of many errors in their failed attempt at a marriage. The only way I was able to tell you were a girl was cause of your e-mail address. FairyKizzes31 pretty much gave it away. Unless you are a homosexual, which is fine. In any case, I have decided to refer to you as a female from here on out. Another thing I feel I need to tell you is; being 20 sucks, if you don't have a fake ID or a connection with managers at night clubs, do whatever you have to do in order to make that happen. I suggest getting drunk and hooking up with random guys. Chances are it will make your parents angry and they both may even get very disappointed in you, the bright side to this is, they'll have something in common again. I would be careful with this though, Your father is probably looking into dating younger women, maybe...well, actually, more than likely, he'll be trying to hit on some of your friends. In his efforts he may be hitting up clubs in your area, never expecting to find you there cause of your age. If you run into him drunk, things could get awkward, especially if you get slutty and promiscuous.
Also, when it comes to them wanting you to choose sides, the best thing I could tell you to do, is have them compete for who can buy you better things. This works great. You will pretty much get anything and everything you want. Congratulations. Some other positive outcomes of this divorce are being able to celebrate EVERY holiday twice, which only serves to prove the age old theory, when your parents fail, you win. I must warn you of your mother, this is in the unfortunate case that she's perfectly healthy and not fat. She might try to steal some of your sluttier clothes in an attempt to look sexier. I guess she could also do that if she's unhealthy and not in the best shape, which honestly is even worse. Either way, don't let her do this, you never want to get home only to find the guy you've been dating for the past six weeks getting blown by your mom in what used to be your playroom.
In closing, I would say, grow up. You're 20 years old and taking this divorce like it's about you. Let your parents do their thing and have fun. They're almost dead. Not everything is about you Erin, your parents need a vibrant sex life too. When was the last time you slept with the same person for 25 years? Never. Cause you're 20. And if you are anything like all of my past girlfriends, you sometimes couldn't even have sex with only one person for one night. So maybe you should be checking yourself before you go judging your parents.

Hope this helps,
Mikey



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[Randy Orton]

WTF

[MAV]

Dear Mikey,

I have recently developed a burning sensation and red bumpy rash in my nether regions. I leak so much puss that when I wake up in the morning I have to peel the front of my shorts away from my member with a putty knife; it looks like someone poured milk of magnesia down my pants. That being said...what do you think of the first year of Obama's presidency?

Warm regards,

Merzavrick Weerzild

[Scott M.R.]

WTF is right. This doesnt belong here, belongs in the "Everything else" section.

[El Kabong]

Dear Mikey Chase,
Why is it called taking a dump when you're actually leaving it?

[Skip McGee]

dear mikey chase
are you trying to steal andy rooneys job?

[Who enjoys Family Circus?]

Dear Mikey Chase,
Is Paul Roma ever going to fix my computer?
Signed,
Mr. Who Enjoys Family Circus?

[kuro]

Dear Mikey Chase,
Who is Mikey Chase?
Signed,
KM

[enforcer]

WTF is right. This doesnt belong here, belongs in the "Everything else" section.

Remember when you said there were more important things than this board? Maybe it's time you went looking for them.

[ShawnO]

The resident hypocrite will only look for them when it's convenient for him. Also, he will conveniently forget when he said there were more important things than this board.

By the way Ghost, since when do you have authority to dictate what gets posted here and what forum it gets posted on? Are you a moderator, administrator, and/or financial backer of this website?

[Scott M.R.]

NO I am not.

Of course if I wrote this, Id be looked on as "putting myself over and drawing attention". Also, I have no interest in where it was posted in reality, just pushing buttons. If Mr Chase has the requisite knowledge to do an advice column, perhaps he will supplement his wrestling career in the future, or any other career he may be pursuing. Thank you...lol.

[MikeyChaseTheDream]

Dear Mikey,

I have recently developed a burning sensation and red bumpy rash in my nether regions. I leak so much puss that when I wake up in the morning I have to peel the front of my shorts away from my member with a putty knife; it looks like someone poured milk of magnesia down my pants. That being said...what do you think of the first year of Obama's presidency?

Warm regards,

Merzavrick Weerzild

Dear Merzavrick,

You have quite the name there sir. I am not familiar with this Obama character you speak of. In addition I may suggest you just wrap your member in gauze so that you just have to unwrap it rather than do the, unpleasant putty knife routine.

I hope this helps,
-Mikey

Dear Mikey Chase,
Who is Mikey Chase?
Signed,
KM

KM,

I am Mikey Chase you imbecile. I think that is quite apparent what with me calling myself Mikey Chase and all.

Take care,
-Mikey Chase.

Dear Mikey Chase,
Is Paul Roma ever going to fix my computer?
Signed,
Mr. Who Enjoys Family Circus?

Dear, Mr. Who Enjoys Family Circus?

I often flip to the funny pages and always seem to only chuckle at Family Circus, this makes me question wether or not I really, truly enjoy Family Circus. I guess it's better than a lot of the stuff in the funny pages, but overall, I respect your appreciation of the comic strip. I hope you continue to enjoy it thoroughly all the way until your death. As for wether or not Paul Roma will ever fix your computer, here is a likely scenerio, Mr. Roma probably took your computer down to the Customer Computer Warehouse, or CCW for short, While in the CCW you may want to find out if your computer drank beers after having a match at the Cardinal Sheehan Center. If this is the case, Mr. Roma likely slapped the computer around some and then effectively made everyone that was present at the CCW uncomfortable. Most people there left, never to return again, the CCW is now boarded up and rumor has it will never ever see the light of day. I can pretty much guarantee your computer will never be returned to you.

I hope this brings you closure,
-Mikey Chase

dear mikey chase
are you trying to steal andy rooneys job?

I in fact am not trying to steal Andy Rooney's job. I respect Mr. Rooney a great deal and find his pieces to be cute and funny, but they are in no way shape or form designed to help people with their life problems, No one writes to Rooney in which he replies back in a public forum to help them through troubling times, thus I feel I am providing a greater service to all of mankind.

I appreciate your respect of The Rooney,
-Mikey Chase

Dear Mikey Chase,
Why is it called taking a dump when you're actually leaving it?

El Kabong,

I have a counter-question; why do you masturbate while taking or I suppose more accurately leaving a dump?
Because you are a sick fuck.

I still love you,
-Mikey Chase

WTF

Orton,

WTF is right.

-Mikey Chase




And finally to theGhost,

I hate you in the, you're my uncle but you inappropriately touched me so it's awkward when I see you at thanksgiving kind of way. Don't act like you DON'T know what I'm talking about Ghostie.

Respectfully,
-Mikey Chase.

[#1SpiderFan]

Dear Mikey,

Why did you put this in this section instead of the Everything Else section? Are you new to this board?

I'm just sayin........

Holly

[Scott M.R.]

Dear Mikey Chase:

What the hell does your last comment about me mean?

Yours truly, Dewey Cheatum and Howe, IRS agents.

[#1SpiderFan]

Dear Mikey Chase:

What the hell does your last comment about me mean?

Yours truly, Dewey Cheatum and Howe, IRS agents.

Looks like Mikey was up late when he made the initial post. Maybe he couldn't sleep, maybe he was sick and took a few too many nips of Nyquil. Or, maybe he's being his usual crazy, nutty self.

[Randy Orton]

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp? Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong? Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop? Who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip? Who was that man? I'd like to shake his hand

[#1SpiderFan]

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp? Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong? Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop? Who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip? Who was that man? I'd like to shake his hand

I think YOU'VE been nipping on the Nyquil, Randall...either that or you're punch from being sleep deprived.

[Scott M.R.]

Way to go Randy.

Question to Mikey Chase:

Dear Mikey:

Why do you like Life Cereal. ?

"Randy the Ram"

[enforcer]

Dear Mikey,

Why did you put this in this section instead of the Everything Else section? Are you new to this board?

I'm just sayin........

Holly

It's good to see Holly following in Ghost's footsteps when it comes to policing the board.

[El Kabong]

I demand a refund

[#1SpiderFan]

Dear Mikey,

Why did you put this in this section instead of the Everything Else section? Are you new to this board?

I'm just sayin........

Holly

It's good to see Holly following in Ghost's footsteps when it comes to policing the board.

No problem, Enforcer - Glad I could help.

[Randy Orton]

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp? Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong? Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop? Who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip? Who was that man? I'd like to shake his hand

I think YOU'VE been nipping on the Nyquil, Randall...either that or you're punch from being sleep deprived.

I think you are an uncultured wench.

[Scott M.R.]

Take out the papers and the trash or you won't get no spending cash, If you don't sleep with that whore, you aint gonna smile much no more. Yakety Yak..haha.

[#1SpiderFan]

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp? Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong? Who put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop? Who put the dip in the dip da dip da dip? Who was that man? I'd like to shake his hand

I think YOU'VE been nipping on the Nyquil, Randall...either that or you're punch from being sleep deprived.

I think you are an uncultured wench.

Wrong, I am a cultured princess - well make that a queen since I am married. Actually, I am a domestic goddess would be more like it.....

[Skip McGee]

and that completes the trifecta of douchebaggery. congrats guys!